Marketing Critique

3rd Jan 2012,  take a look at this, what do you think?

Take a look at this copy and tell me what you think. The QR code & web address goes to squeeze page but not set up.
















Happy New Year to you lovely people, but now I need your help.


I have got myself into a situatiuon: In July 2011 I accepted an invite to put a full page ad in RIBI Architechs London Directory. The Ad sits adjacent page to Robin Monnotti Architechs who gets the write up for the house which we all worked on.

Orginally I was in a 3 way split with other trades, the Builder & the Plumber, but they have dropped out & as I was the deal maker I am having to take the full load, cost and the ad.

This is an excellent opportunity to connect with one of my target markets and I really want to get the most out of it but I could crash & burn here if I dont get it right. Its costing me £2140 + Vat and I can not get out of it.

Can you help me write this Killer copy. All critism welcome, my no 07971 993698 or or

2nd Jan 2012
Update so far:
Architect is looking for reliability/ responsibility , experienced support and an ability to bring a job in on time and on cost. 
Experienced Project Partnering enables Bert Electrics to understand the Architects design requirements and bring the job in on time and on cost.

Over 20 years of Electrical Contracting gives Bert Electrics an extensive knowledge of fittings, systems and controls that can help the Architect confidently achieve the objectives in his Commercial, Domestic and Environmental planning.

For a Responsible, Efficient and Effective service call Bert Electrics, the Architects choice.   Speak to Darryl Bertie on